His is an exquisite madness. Intricate and baffling. Frustrating and confounding. Obsessive and compulsive. Sigmund Freud would simply have a field day parsing the inner workings of “Powerful” Paul Hansen, a man who may hold the key to who will be crowned The Biggest Loser.

Paul Hansen is unlike anyone you know; he’s a man defined by his numerous internal dichotomies. At times he has a personality characterized by an outsized self-confidence and swagger, but at other times plagued by insecurity and self-doubt. He is a vociferous advocate of hitting the town on weekends, but once out he rarely drinks or socializes outside of the group. He is a man who seeks control and order in his life nearly to the point of being obsessive compulsive, yet he doesn’t pursue a career as an accountant, instead he throws himself into the volatile world of sales. He’s a man enthralled by the machismo aspects of sports and film, however he finds equal joy in the most feminine of entertainment like Grey’s Anatomy. He is a physical specimen of an athlete whose best sport, golf, barely requires such athleticism.

Of Paul’s many obsessions, perhaps the most defining is his devotion to health and physical fitness. Keeping in line with his proclivity for internal contradiction, his methods for achieving optimal fitness may actually be destructive to his body and ultimately antithetical to his goals. Consuming a myriad of supplements, protein shakes, and “superfoods” he once found himself inadvertently using a steroid which at the time of consumption was banned by all professional sports leagues outside of Major League Baseball. Additionally, his daily dedication to his intense workouts rarely gives his body the time needed to recover and build the muscle mass he desperately desires. Paul walks a fine line between constructing the perfect body and simply destroying it.

Paul’s skewed views don’t end with supplements and exercise. One must also understand that he does not view food as many others do. A person like Joe Rengstorf dines not just to feed his body to provide sustenance, but eats to feed the senses and the soul as well. Conversely, Paul regards food as merely fuel—building blocks to bigger muscles and energy for exercise. Hence you’ll commonly observe him eating unseasoned chicken breasts, spoonfuls of peanut butter, and cans of tuna (sometimes all three at the same time) in search of necessary amino acids and omega-3 fats, with no regard for flavor or enjoyment. This single-minded focus has led Paul to appear as if he is cut from a solid slab of granite, but has simultaneously created a life all that more hollow because of a shocking lack of appreciation for the joys of food.

Although Paul’s approach to fitness and nutrition appear odd, his enthusiasm for and devotion to his philosophy are of great benefit to his roommate and Biggest Loser contestant, Tyler “The Olympia Obfuscator” Arnold. Combining his philosophy with his intense competitiveness, Paul Hansen has shown tireless commitment to putting Tyler on the right track to defeating Ol’ Rengy in the mother of all weight-loss competitions.

So far, the proof has been in the pudding. Tyler has filtered through Paul’s lists of superfoods, kenpo karate workouts, and old Buns of Steel videos finding a good mix of nutrition and exercise which led him to victory in the first weigh-in. However, Paul’s own selfish desire to be an important part of Tyler’s pursuit of success could backfire in the end with Paul’s madness enraging the already frayed-nerve “Obfuscator,” turning the monster against his creator. For Paul to avoid a ruthless pummeling and remain an effective part of Tyler’s weight-loss program, he must temper his insanity, a task which may prove more difficult than the weight loss itself.

Before I offer my prediction (admittedly a tardy one) of who will win this perverse yet undeniably amusing duel of unwanted belly fat, let me begin by acknowledging the great amount respect I have for both Mr. Arnold and Mr. Rengstorf. We could all use more friends like these two. Good luck, and Godspeed gentlemen!

I will not forget that Facebook request for a long time: “The Biggest Loser” printed boldly above a poster of Tarnold and Ole’ Rengy pitted against each other like some kind of old-timey bare-knuckle boxers. Drawing me in like two cellulite sirens, they beckoned me to forget the pile of work on my desk and pursue an online competition on par with March Madness.

From the beginning my “gut” (sorry) told me that the Obfuscator (Obs) would claim victory (and perhaps anorexia) by the New Year. Reading through both contenders’ profiles solidified my prediction. I base my guesswork, however, not only on each titan’s diet, exercise routine, and perceived self-discipline, but also on their body type.

Simply put, I believe that Tarnold’s body type will allow him to lose a significantly larger amount of weight. Sure, both of these fine gladiators could spare their tires (sorry again), the most common area of fat storage on most men (and giants). However, Obfiscator seems to have more muscle and fat on his upper body than Squamish. And you don’t need to ask Powerful Paul to know that fat is less dense than muscle. So, despite the same initial weigh-in, I believe Obs had the edge from the get-go.

However, my prediction assumes (stupidly) that both contenders will zealously pursue their weight-loss goals visa vi diet and exercise. Apparently, Squam-daddy has already shown weakness in this arena i.e. Taco Bell. My ace-in-the-hole, however, comes from my first hand experience with law school life. Two words will make or break my prediction: Final Exams.
Law school exams are coming up in a couple months. Most people under intense pressure choose to either gorge themselves or starve themselves. I am guessing Obs is a Nicole Richie and not an Oprah. Being a pretty big dude myself, I noticed that many other bigger guys in my law school classes (and guys in general) ate less with stress brought on by exams, whereas the ladies in my class tended overeat when stressed.

It is with that huge generalization that I put my “money” on the Obfiscator.

In the words of Tobias Fünke, “Let the ‘Great Experiment’ begin!”

We at The Biggest Loser are excited to now be able to offer polls to take the pulse of the fans of Joe and Tyler. For our first poll, we’ll start with an easy one; let’s see if two weeks in we see a deviation from our original facebook poll.

Purchase yours today!

It came under the cover of darkness, without much warning to the participants, and nary a notice to the outside world, but the first weigh-in of The Biggest Loser: Joe vs. Tyler 2008 has occurred. Would the Olympia Obfuscator prevail in this initial intermediary showdown or would the Suquamish Slacker eschew his moniker and provide a performance which justifies his lead in the polls? We gathered with bated breath in the bathroom of “Powerful” Paul Hansen’s condo, surrounding the scale with feverish anticipation to find out who had shed the most so far.

In the nearly two weeks since these two colossuses began this weight-loss competition there has been many twists and turns. The first obviously being that one of their jackass friends would take shirtless pictures of them with the underhanded intent of creating a Facebook site devoted to publicizing what they thought was a private competition. The next twist was Joe’s unexpected favor amongst the fans of the Biggest Loser which saw him take the early lead in the polls. The third twist was an unfortunate one for Joe’s supporters, as his lead in the polls backfired on him by causing Tyler to fume over the perceived slight, leading him to intensify his effort 10-fold.

With the first weigh-in in the books and battle lines duly-drawn in the wake of the Facebook site going live, the men set forth to lose the weight. While Joe began solidly, spending his first week of the competition mountain biking in Moab, Tyler turned to his insane roommate and former anabolic steroid user (I don’t have actual proof of this, but I don’t have proof Barry Bonds used either and we can all safely assume that he did) Powerful Paul to create a regimen which Paul believes will bring the Obfuscator to glory.

The two men breezed through the first week, showing an uncommon devotion to health and well-being. But week one of a diet can sometimes be the easiest; a week when adrenaline is coursing through one’s veins, discipline is in ample supply and water-weight sheds away giving false hope of progress. Show me how a man acts the second week of his diet and you’ll show me the true measure of that man.

True to my dictum, these past seven days has taught us much about the future of The Biggest Loser. It’s this second week where it started to become pear-shaped for young Rengy. You must understand, Joe Rengstorf is a sensualist—a man driven by the satiating of his base appetites for fine food, coffee, whiskey and cheap beer. He lives in and for the moment, thus when the moment deems he must indulge, he will. So when this week a friend and roommate of his was having a birthday party, it’s a tall order to expect Joe to practice self-denial. Joe readily admits that on Tuesday he drank through the night, then had a cab driver take him to Taco Bell for $30 worth of pseudo-Mexican food prepared with meat you wouldn’t feed your dog, let alone the odds on favorite to win a weight-loss competition.

This brings us to the other side of the coin of this bizarre weight-loss-come-psychological experiment: Tyler Arnold. Whereas Joe seeks to feed his impulses, Tyler is a man, that when needed is of an ascetic nature. He can take it as a matter of pride to deny himself pleasure and even inflict on himself pain in the pursuit of his goals. Not coincidentally, this makes him an exceptional Law School student, and the thinking man’s favorite to win this whole damn competition.

With all of these plotlines swirling in the air, these two combatants met again on the field of battle to see who was closer to becoming the Biggest Loser. Considering Joe’s midweek excursion to become a “4^th mealer” it was little surprise to see he had only lost one pound, dropping to 249 lbs. For Tyler it was an opening to take an early lead and he did so with aplomb, dropping a whopping five pounds to tip the scales at 246 lbs.

Round 1 of this epic battle has turned in favor of the Olympia Obfuscator, but will this smashing initial victory breed complacency in Tyler which will open the door for Joe? Will the Suquamish Slacker use this demoralizing defeat to light the fire within to burn off those extra calories to shed the pounds needed to take this competition and assure himself that he won’t be the one spending the first part of 2009 as a vegetarian? There are still nearly 10 weeks to go until we’ve crowned a Biggest Loser—so stay tuned, because it is still certainly anyone’s to win.

In keeping with the central mission of this site, we’re searching for ideas on how we can gamble on the outcome of the biggest loser and would like to facilitate as much illegal gambling as possible. This site will be invaluable in watching your “investment” in either of the combatants, but we want to to be just as invaluable in encouraging irresponsible betting. So please post your ideas on the best way to bet on the outcome and use the comments to place odds and find others who seek to gamble on the Biggest Loser with you.

Alarming news from the world of the Biggest Loser 2008, Joe Rengstorf, the early favorite to ascend to the heights of glory as the champion weight-shedder has reportedly fallen off the wagon. This is an unexpected event, as most of us know Rengy (pictured above in green) to be the embodiment of temperance. Despite his best efforts, the roommates who may prove to be his very undoing nipped at his achilles heel, promising him a night of revelry and booze. Who among us could resist that?

Joe described his moment of weakness as such:

True Confessions
I fell off the wagon last night for DSM’s birthday
I got wasted at Mike’s Chili Parlor and around 1 AM someone got a cab to go to the drive through at Taco Bell and bought like 30$ worth of food.
trouble.

Trouble indeed for young Rengstorf. Sadly, this may not be the last time Joe faces temptation and we wait to see if he can resume his chaste lifestyle and right his listing ship before Tyler takes a commanding lead.

On a warm Sunday afternoon on the southern slope of Queen the tension in the air was palpable as Joe Rengstorf and Tyler Arnold stripped to their skivvies. No, the tension wasn’t high because of Paul Hansen’s latent homophobia–though that may have added to it a bit–the stakes seemed raised because of the swirling anticipation surrounding the initial weigh-in for (drum roll) “The Biggest Loser–Joe vs. Tyler 2008″!

Exchanging glowering glances as they sized each other up, Tyler and Joe with the assembled on-lookers crammed into the tiny condo bathroom to gather round the scale and take the full measure of each man. The 6’4″ Joe Rengstorf ambled over to the digital device which informed him he was 250 lbs of man meat. Next came the Obfuscator, a six-foot specimen tipping the scales at 251 lbs. So now the battle begins in earnest as the two men go their separate ways with Joe making his way to Moab for a week of mountain biking and Tyler heads back to Law School with the goal of working out his body as much as his brain.

Prizes will be awarded along the way for the man who wins each weigh-in, with the overall loser suffering the terrible fate of having to spend the first part of 2009 as a vegetarian. We encourage you to “pick a horse” and help them along the way to vanquishing their opponent.  You can use this site to track the fellas’ progress and we encourage you to vote for who you think the winner will be on the Joe vs. Tyler Facebook Page